Into the Land of Monsters: Personal Journey Workbook

Layer 1: The Outer Layer - Who We Want To Be Seen As

Focus on the layer “Who I Want To Be Seen As”. There are aspects of yourself that you suppress or hide, because you think you are too much (too intense, too emotional, too friendly, etc.), and there are aspects that you “perform” because you think you are not enough (too ugly, not clever enough, not rich enough etc.).

And in this outer layer you might perform and hide different aspects in different situations - when you are at work you perform certain ways, when you are in social situations you hide certain aspects, when you are with family you perform other ways etc.

Reflect on the different ways that you want to be seen as, using the different contexts to help guide you. Sometimes we put on a way of being, sometimes we hide who we think we really are.

Make a list in the table on the next page.

In the first column you can list the areas of life (contexts) you do this behavior. In the second column list what it is that you are putting on or taking away, what it is that you want to be seen as by the people around you. And in the third you can say whether you put-on (perform) a way of being, or whether you are suppressing (hiding) something.

Who I Want To Be Seen As

Layer 2: The Inner Middle Layer - Who We Are Afraid We Are

Now focus on the middle layer, which is where our monsters are - the beliefs about ourselves that we are afraid are true. We might be ok with some people knowing some of these, and there might be some that we are afraid to admit to even ourselves, but we know it’s there, it is a big monster that hides in the darkness. Things that come up when we are afraid, tired, angry, lashing out, staying aloof, isolating, manipulating others even subtly to avoid them finding out about us, drinking, taking drugs to hide and so on.

List out some of these monsters on the next page.

Naming them begins to shine light on them, and begins to lessen their hold on us. You can always destroy this paper later, so be brave and write your secrets down.

This list is actually your guide, your map, to going into the land of monsters. Taking on the journey into truly relaxing into being yourself.

These are your obstacles, and an extremely important teaching is: “The obstacle is the path.” How? Because facing into the specific fears we hold about ourselves is exactly what will melt them, which results in a relaxing into the more natural self, the center core layer.

So take your time, and allow yourself to be brave to list these out, these long held beliefs about yourself.

Who I Am Afraid I Am

Layer 3: Our Core - What We Really Are

This is who / what we really are. It is often hidden to us, but visible to others. It’s hidden to us because we are caught up in the thoughts / beliefs about ourselves (our monsters) in the middle layer, and involved in trying to hide those (outer layer). They literally hide our view, our recognition, our knowing of who we really are.

When we are most “ourselves” we can know this. When our attention is not caught up in the swirling habitual patterns of thinking of the middle layer, and instead is open and relaxed in being ourselves, we can feel what we really are. And our friends and loved ones can tell us (when they are not caught up in their own patterns!) because we are being ourselves all the time, and so they see what light we are shining.

Take a look at the list of essences / values on the next page. Reflect on your most core ways of being. Think of what your friends or close loved ones, or even new people would say you are.

Circle the ones that you know you are, when you are feeling most “yourself”, when you are not scared, in shame, in addiction etc.

Add any that are missing, or change any of the words to ones that better reflect the energies of you.

Essences / values

Now, pick the top few (3 to 8 or so) most core qualities that is who you really are. Write them down in the table below so you can see them together.

And then, continue on and create a sentence, a combination of these core essences of YOU, that becomes your own personal mantra. Something that begins with:

I am a ….. (with your unique combination of true essences).

Some examples people have used:

• Loving leader standing in boundaried confidence
• Magnificent animal of love and delight
• Chief of True North. Infinite Reach. Soft Paws. Naked Delight.
• Expression of Love. Joy. Magic. Play. Peace.
• Emanation of light in physical form, radiating loving-kindness

It can be poetic, or stoic, or rooted in Christian terms, or whatever type of words and language resonates with you. You can use this to remind yourself of who you really are when you need to remember.

What (Who) I Really Am

Summary: All Three Layers

This model of the self consists of three distinct layers:

• The Outer Layer: Who We Want To Be Seen As. This layer is how we present ourselves to the world. It's our masks, our roles, and our interactions with others. We construct it to hide the layer underneath.
• The Inner Middle Layer: Who We Are Afraid We Are. This layer contains our monsters. The beliefs about ourselves that we hold to be true, and don’t want to expose to the outside world, to other people. It contains our addictions, our shame, our vulnerabilities, our too-muchness, our too-littleness and so on.
• The Core: What We Really Are. This is our core, true self. It's our values, essential qualities, our particular blend of true energies. Other people see this more easily than we do, since our view is hidden by the monsters in the middle layer.